Cleaning up the House

Welcome,

I am not even sure what to say here, I do not really have any quick catch phrases or deep philosophical saying to open this up with. I figured, I would start with a little about myself. I am a 34 year old man who single handled allowed myself to sabotage my entire life. I know what you are thinking, here we go another man who made bad choices and he is going to write a blog about how sad and sorry he is and wants everyone to feel bad for him. Well I can say, nope that is not it at all. I am writing this because as I maneuver through my current life situations. I have looked far and wide for real people that have been though what I have and who are real and honest about it. Not some quick 5 step program or someone trying to sell the victim card.

After looking and searching I was able to piece together the information I was looking for, however the one thing that real bothered me throughout finding information was that I am not a victim( I am a victim to myself) I am a victim to my poor life choices, bad decisions making skills and not asking/seeking help when I should have. Lets get real, anything between being born until your 18 is really not up to you. 18 on, you are on your own to make your own choices and decisions and with those comes consequences to every decision you make.

So here I am, sitting in the uncomfortableness of all my life choices. And let me tell you, it is the most unpleasant feeling having to stare down the barrel of the shotgun, that you loaded yourself…. at this point though you have two options, pull the trigger and make a bigger mess that everyone else has to clean up and deal with, or put the gun down and start cleaning up the house.

Cleaning the house… where to start.. at first you run around like your mother did before guest were coming to dinner trying to clean and tuck away anything you didn’t want them to see. Because for some reason we are always trying to look like we are perfect on the outside, but if you were to open the bedroom doors or look in the garage you would see that the house is anything but perfect. Funny even from a young age we are taught, hide the mess.

Well here is a fun fact, everyone’s house is messy. Everyone’s house has a junk drawer in the kitchen and everyone’s house is never perfect ( unless you are having people over for supper) Its funny though because once the people leave and life goes back to normal the house goes back to the way it was … paper on the table, dishes in the sink and the floors need to be mopped. Just like our lives, we can try really hard to look and act like everything isn’t a mess, but once everyone leaves and life goes back to normal and the chaos and stress calms of trying to be perfect , we realize we are still a mess.

But in my case my house didn’t need a general cleaning, It needed a complete gut back to the studs. I needed to rent a dumpster and start in one room and work my way through each room ( side note- I’m still under construction and there is still rooms that need to be gutted)

Where to start, my dad used to tell me in construction always look for the hardest worst job and tackle that first, that way you can spend your afternoons doing the easy stuff. In this case I started in complete opposite way, I tried to do what our mothers always did, run around and quickly dust off or hide all the stuff in my house. Quick clean here, quick fix there and boom …. only difference was my house looked clean… when really it was the same clutter filled, water damaged moldy house. Just smelt clean and everything was stuffed in the rooms/closets/ garage/ under the floors boards/in the walls. Furnace still didn’t work and there was no hot water.

So here we are again, back to standing in the middle of it all trying to figure out where to start,

I hope you enjoyed my first blog, I will be posting a couple times a week or even a couple times a day. I wise man once told me that I should keep writing. I find that by this I am able to express myself in a way that works for me. I hope that along this you can find comfort in knowing that your not going through the messy house by yourself.

Until next time

Welcome,

I am not even sure what to say here, I do not really have any quick catch phrases or deep philosophical saying to open this up with. I figured, I would start with a little about myself. I am a 34 year old man who single handled allowed myself to sabotage my entire life. I know what you are thinking, here we go another man who made bad choices and he is going to write a blog about how sad and sorry he is and wants everyone to feel bad for him. Well I can say, nope that is not it at all. I am writing this because as I maneuver through my current life situations. I have looked far and wide for real people that have been though what I have and who are real and honest about it. Not some quick 5 step program or someone trying to sell the victim card.

After looking and searching I was able to piece together the information I was looking for, however the one thing that real bothered me throughout finding information was that I am not a victim( I am a victim to myself) I am a victim to my poor life choices, bad decisions making skills and not asking/seeking help when I should have. Lets get real, anything between being born until your 18 is really not up to you. 18 on, you are on your own to make your own choices and decisions and with those comes consequences to every decision you make.

So here I am, sitting in the uncomfortableness of all my life choices. And let me tell you, it is the most unpleasant feeling having to stare down the barrel of the shotgun, that you loaded yourself…. at this point though you have two options, pull the trigger and make a bigger mess that everyone else has to clean up and deal with, or put the gun down and start cleaning up the house.

Cleaning the house… where to start.. at first you run around like your mother did before guest were coming to dinner trying to clean and tuck away anything you didn’t want them to see. Because for some reason we are always trying to look like we are perfect on the outside, but if you were to open the bedroom doors or look in the garage you would see that the house is anything but perfect. Funny even from a young age we are taught, hide the mess.

Well here is a fun fact, everyone’s house is messy. Everyone’s house has a junk drawer in the kitchen and everyone’s house is never perfect ( unless you are having people over for supper) Its funny though because once the people leave and life goes back to normal the house goes back to the way it was … paper on the table, dishes in the sink and the floors need to be mopped. Just like our lives, we can try really hard to look and act like everything isn’t a mess, but once everyone leaves and life goes back to normal and the chaos and stress calms of trying to be perfect , we realize we are still a mess.

But in my case my house didn’t need a general cleaning, It needed a complete gut back to the studs. I needed to rent a dumpster and start in one room and work my way through each room ( side note- I’m still under construction and there is still rooms that need to be gutted)

Where to start, my dad used to tell me in construction always look for the hardest worst job and tackle that first, that way you can spend your afternoons doing the easy stuff. In this case I started in complete opposite way, I tried to do what our mothers always did, run around and quickly dust off or hide all the stuff in my house. Quick clean here, quick fix there and boom …. only difference was my house looked clean… when really it was the same clutter filled, water damaged moldy house. Just smelt clean and everything was stuffed in the rooms/closets/ garage/ under the floors boards/in the walls. Furnace still didn’t work and there was no hot water.

So here we are again, back to standing in the middle of it all trying to figure out where to start,

I hope you enjoyed my first blog, I will be posting a couple times a week or even a couple times a day. I wise man once told me that I should keep writing. I find that by this I am able to express myself in a way that works for me. I hope that along this you can find comfort in knowing that your not going through the messy house by yourself.

Until next time